Awkward

From day one I’ve been that girl. The girl who always says the wrong thing at the wrong time. The one who is facetious not realizing it, trying to be funny, when in reality a complete epic fail. When trying to deliver a punchline for a joke there are no laughs, just a complete awkward silence …… I am that girl.

As hard as I have tried most of my life to be cool, to be with the “In Crowd,” I never ever manage to reach that status. I’m sure many of you will agree with me it’s not easy being me. Some days it can be fun though. The tough part , was learning to laugh at myself. The hardest part, was learning to own my awkwardness.

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Being that girl with mad ninja skills who can attack the concrete sidewalk like nobody’s business, and still be able to roll over and laugh, that’s takes courage. We’re talking about a girl the age of 31, who still manages to run into couches, crash into desks, bump into door frames, fall out of cars, trip into her car, fall up the door steps, somehow manages to trip over her own children without managing to crush them, and thankfully praise the Lord has not slipped in the shower yet. Although we know the day is coming.

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So while I struggle with the daily battle of not going to the ER, I remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I’ve learned to slow down and take my time. It took me a little while to realize that one of the reasons I was being injured so much was because I was always in a hurry.

You see the awkwardness isn’t just physical but mental. So not only have I had to learn how to slow down my physical moves but my mental moves. The Lord blessed me with a wonderful brain, that moves at light speed. This is a wonderful thing when your doing math or typing a verso from the inside cover of a book but it can make for a horrible listener, and a terrible conversationalist. I can regurgitate useless information and trivia facts and all kinds of history stuff but nobody really cares about.

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One of the struggles that I have though is actually sitting and listening to someone talk to me for a period of time. Unfortunately after 45 seconds to a minute my brain will literally run off in about 5 different directions. Within a five minute conversation, we’ve only been talking about the one thing, but my brain has scheduled doctor’s appointments, pick my kids up from daycare, plan supper for the rest of the week, thought about the subject of my next blog post, and trying to figure out what it was my husband season the potatoes with last night.

All this happens while I’m standing there staring at you while you talk to me. It takes a lot of concentration to talk to people. Did I mention I’m awkward. So it’s not really that I don’t know how to respond by the end of the conversation or that I don’t want to respond, I may not know exactly what we were talking about, and I may be taking a few minutes to remember what the conversation was about, beings as I’ve currently been on an Oregon Trail in my brain.

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My previous post was on selfishness. For the most part people are selfish. Unfortunately when I talk to people I can be a little selfish I do attempt and try to ask people about themselves and engage them in conversation, but unfortunately when they ask me about myself and I start talking about myself, I don’t usually shut up. It’s pretty much all about me from there.

This past October my husband was ordained as a deacon in our church. This, for me and our family is a great honor. Not just among our peers but from Christ Himself. He has chosen our family to be something special. For an awkward girl, well that’s a dream come true.

The thing is most people take their deacons and their families and they set them up on a pedestal. Thinking that these people and their families are without blemish or falter you know they can’t do any wrong. When in reality, they’re still the redeemed saved by grace, sinner they were before they were ordained. They still struggle with the same issues as everyone else. The daily battles, the drama, raising a family, work chaos, and everyday hurricane of life.

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So even though Jesus and my peers have chosen my family and myself to be a leader among you, I still am and will always be that awkward girl who can manage to bring about a span of one minute worth silence after the punchline of a joke.

The point to all this, as I’m sure you’re asking, is that myself, nor my husband or any other leader in our church, or anywhere, in any organization, should be how you measure your character your integrity, your honesty, or your faith. But Jesus Himself is who we should all be striving for, in trying to mirror our actions towards one another in love and our faith for our heavenly father.

So no matter how awkward, selfish, talkative, medicated, scatterbrained, unorganized, liberal, perfectionist or any other label you want to add to the list. ]Know this, Psalms 139:14 says “I will praise Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Thy works, and that my soul knoweth right well.” You are just as He made you. Own it, and use those gifts to glorify Him. The body of Christ has many parts, they all have different jobs. So stop comparing the eyes to the toes. They can’t do the same job.

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